so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
