Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
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