I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
