Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
