Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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