Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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