you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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