I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
