how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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