it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
