The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
