STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
