took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
