i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
