Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Randomize
