I accidentally burped into my bong.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just gift wrapped bread.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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