shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
