What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
