Only a mothe r could love this liver
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
