he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
