The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
