you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
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