my being single is dangerous.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
