last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
His nipple licking is glorious
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