I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
