My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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