If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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