This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
