I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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