How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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