Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize