my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
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We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
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Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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