The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
