he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
The Olympian is in my bed
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
