were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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