Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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