U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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