So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
