Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
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