seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
