One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
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