So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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