There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
