Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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