yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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