i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
