I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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