this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
