I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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