You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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