Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
