I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
