I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
did i walk over a car last night?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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