Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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