it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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