Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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