Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
