I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
we should paint friendship bongs
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