these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
