This dress was meant to end up on your floor
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
