i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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