I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
My liver just had a heart attack.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
