this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
