You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
